Intentionally acting differently than the emotion you are feeling calls you to, with the eventual goal of changing the emotion you are feeling. The worst part is that that’s a legit measurable phenomenon in behavioral psychology; you actually can fake an emotion until you feel it. Your brain will literally be like,“well. I’m smiling. So I guess I’m happy???” Brains are dumb but the cool part is once you know your own exploits stuff gets a lot easier, and this one is in pretty much all human brains.

When to Use

There’s a decent chance that whatever feeling you’re having is actually relevant, actionable, and important, so you need to rule that out before you use this skill. If there is a person or entity who is physically hurting you, constantly criticizing you or saying hurtful things, controlling you, etc, you’re supposed to feel anxious/generally bad around them or it. Those unpleasant emotions are there to tell you to move away from something dangerous. If the unpleasant emotion you're feeling is Relevant, Important, and Actionable, Opposite action probably isn't the right skill!

• Relevant - “is it an emotion that makes sense for me to feel about this situation?” If not, try to figure out what you’re actually upset about first.
• Important - “do I need to act on this?” - major fight with your significant other? Yes. Some idiot took too long in the crosswalk? No. If it is something important, you probably either need
  • one of the problem-solving skills like pro and con lists to differentiate options or Behavior Chain Analysis to break down specific, individual undesired behaviors (often but not always substance related).
  • one of the interpersonal skills, specifically DEAR MAN (negotiation) or FAST (negotiation / boundary setting).
• Actionable - “is there anything I can do about it anyway?” If you are in an abusive / oppressive situation, sometimes it’s ok to push your emotions down for a bit for the sake of safety, just also try to focus equal energy on finding safe outlets.

How to Use

Think creatively about what you would be doing if you were feeling the way you would rather be feeling? Do whatever of those things are appropriate to the situation you're in.

• What activities would you be engaging in?
• How would you dress?
• How do you move, sit, and lay?
• What things would you be reading about, talking about, or paying attention to?
• What mannerisms would you use while talking and communicating?

Examples

• I want to stop missing my ex - do all the things you love but couldn't do or they wouldn't let you do while you were together. Wear the shirt they didn't like. Listen to that artist they hate. Go to the restaurant they hate.
• I need to get over this faster; I'm being too petty - reminisce about things you liked about the person, do activities or listen to music you bonded over, use a gift they gave you, look at photos and watch videos of them or the two of you.
• I'm not going to let them see me sweat - study yourself at your most comfortable, everything from how you sit to what kinds of words you usually choose. Study your calm self like an actor would do a character study, so you can physically pull out a calm appearance whenever you need to.